Media round-up, Thursday 6th October

Halt the internal investigation! Unsuspend the player with immediate effect! It turns out that the whole Carlos Tevez saga has been a misunderstanding, according to his sinister adviser Kia Joorabchian.

He didn't refuse to play after all, and the current situation is the club's fault, no less, for not employing a professional translator. His staggeringly contradictory defence was that "Carlos did not refuse to play, and what he did was no worse than Cesc Fabregas, Luka Modric and Samir Nasri refusing to play... You can never criticise him for his commitment when he is on the pitch or for not wanting to play." Um, yes we can.

Elsewhere, Bill Kenwright has claimed that the Abu Dhabi group that invested in City could have ended up at Everton, if the club had had plans in place for a new stadium. In other news, if my auntie had balls she'd be my uncle.

Sheikh Mansour is once again top of football's rich list, according to FourFourTwo. Mansour is believed to be worth £20 billion ($32.4 billion), putting him ahead of the likes of Chelsea owner Roman Ambramovich and Indian steel tycoon Lakshmi Mittal, who has a stake in Premier League club QPR. Bill Kenwright, meanwhile, makes an appearance at number 1027, just behind Michael Knighton.

James Milner has claimed that there is nothing amiss with the national side, and suggested that the dropping of points at home is a glitch rather than a symptom of England's difficulties. "We need to make sure next time that we put on a performance at Wembley and put this sort of talk to bed. We don't prefer to play away." Try telling that to the wives of Messrs Rooney and Ferdinand.

The Mirror report that City are ready to sign teen sensation Zakaria Bakkali in a big money deal with Dutch giants PSV Eindhoven, whilst Micah Richards has jumped on the "Phil Jones is the new Beckenbaur" bandwagon, stating that the bleached haired bombshell will eventually become England captain. "He's got everything: pace, reads the game well, is good on the ball", Richards fawned to The Guardian.